You are more free than you think. The constraints you feel are more a product of conditioning than actual limitations. You can create your world to an extent much greater than you can probably imagine.

First, Wake Up

Do you love your life?

Are you happy and satisfied and content? Does your work add real meaning to your existence, or do you simply work to exist? Are your friends and family a source of love and support? Do you look forward to most days with energy and excitement?

Do you even remember what that feels like?

The danger lies not with dissatisfaction, but with a blissful ennui. If you are truly dissatisfied, you are open to - and probably searching for - change. But if your outlook is, “I guess everything’s pretty good, all things considered,” you are likely sleepwalking through your life.

Here’s what that looks like:

Your job is ”OK,” nothing to get excited about; it helps pay the bills, usually isn’t overly stressful and really has nothing to do with the rest of your “real” life. But what do you expect; after all, it’s just a job. If you have been working for a while - or a lifetime - you have learned that more pay equals more stress. If you earn a lot, you are probably willing to deal with the pressure, the demands, the deadlines, the ass-kissing, for a while.

The goal is to save and invest what you can and wait to be fully vested in your pension plan. Pray that your holdings will outpace inflation, and that the capital gains tax won’t eat you alive. Max that 401(k) until you can finally retire. At 70.

Because then you can start to really live.

If you have kids, you buy them as much “cool” stuff as you can afford, try to keep up with the major events of their lives, take them to their sports and music lessons; try to have some “me” time in between.

And forget that you only have 18 summers with them, as kids.

You don’t often visit your parents (which is also "OK," because they are just now starting their own retirements and are ready to “relax”) but you usually manage to get together on holidays.

And ignore the fact that the number of Christmases to come with them is decreasing and unpredictable.

If you have any friends, you hang out with them as much as they all want to, but hindsight reminds you that each passing decade diminishes the desire for and availability of that “hang” time. Kids and jobs and responsibilities take up a lot of time. And, you know, everyone has their own “stuff” to deal with. Besides, you are all just so tired these days.

When you aren’t at work, you watch the game on TV or binge some episodes of “your show” on Netflix, or doom scroll some social media - for five or six hours (or more). To “take the edge off,” you have a few drinks or smoke some weed or maybe use something much stronger. But you have to be careful; there may be side effects with the anti-depressants and statins and blood pressure meds and pain killers and anti-anxiety and ADHD pills you have been told you “have to” take.

Because you have to look after your health, right?

If any of this sounds familiar, I have a suggestion:

Wake. Up.

This is your one and only life, and it is slipping away much faster than you realize. You won’t fully understand just how short a lifetime is until you are in your 60s.

Live your life while you are alive. You can start now, no matter how old you are. But know that freedom is expensive, in more ways than one.

What Will it Cost?

My dad used to say, “You can have anything you want, if you’re willing to pay the price.” The older I get, the smarter he becomes.

Here’s a quick exercise. Make a list of the things that are meaningful to you; experiences that are worth spending the moments of your life on. What would it take for you to be present and engaged and really happy? (HINT: if any of your answers are “more money,” you are missing the point. List what that “more money” would get you.) Then, write what you would have to do to get each one.

If you can’t think of anything, you’re still sleep walking. Or over-medicated. Or both. Go ahead and imagine a satisfying, meaningful life and take the time to dissect that in terms of experiences. (Again, if you create a long list of possessions, you are missing the point. What would you get from having those things? Second hint: stuff never brings happiness.)

Put down your phone, pause the TV show; I’ll wait.

Now that you have your list and the cost of each experience, make a realistic assessment based on what you would do, not what you could do.

Maybe you want to move closer to your friends or family. Are you willing to find a new job, a new place to live? Are you ready to move away from the community you have built where you are now? If the answer is “no,” then scratch that off the list as a possibility.

Do you want to have a new career, one that is more meaningful and more aligned with your goals and ambitions? One that would make you look forward to Mondays? Would you actually go to school or do an apprenticeship to learn your new trade? When I started my PhD program in clinical psychology - a particularly grueling path - I had a classmate that was 63 years old. She had just finished her bachelor’s degree at 62. Don’t underestimate yourself.

Really think about each goal, each experience, and consider whether the cost would be worth the reward. Would you really do it? Have faith in yourself and know that even long and difficult journeys - especially long and difficult journeys - are doable and well with the climb.

Now that you have your list of what you could and would do, there remains only one question:

Why haven’t you?

No, really: why haven’t you?

What Will You Build?

If you have started to wake from your existential slumber, congratulations! Life isn’t supposed to be a grind, no matter what you have been told. If you took the time to create your meaningful list of experiences, I’m proud of you. If you have done this a thousand times before, but had the courage to revisit and revamp your list, welcome back!

I would encourage you to dream boldly and imagine fearlessly. You are capable of much more than you would think possible.

Check in with your body as you read your list and try to imagine actually doing what would be involved. If the thought of “going for it” gives you butterflies in your stomach, you’re on to something! Here’s the advice I have given thousands of students and clients:

Go where the butterflies are!

Nobody can tell you that you can’t learn to be a baker in New York or a florist in Florentine. You want to finish that master’s degree in Melbourne? Study history at Oxford? Maybe take up welding or woodworking or wildlife conservation?

Perhaps it’s time to take that trip to visit your roots in Cardiff or Cambodia, or see that place you read about in Chiang Mai or Chennai.

It’s your life - get busy!

Create Your World

Don’t let convenience, complacency, conditioning or fear keep you stuck in a place you don’t want to be physically, mentally or emotionally. Envision the future you want, evaluate the cost, and make the decision.

Start now: the clock is - very literally - ticking.

Let me know what you decided and how it’s going. I would love to hear from you.



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To learn more about how to use these concepts or to inquire about working with me, you can contact me on the Hardcore Happiness website, the comments section on my Substack or Medium accounts or the Hardcore Happiness blog page. If you have found value in this article, follow my Instagram account for daily insights, or my X account for occasional tweets. To support this community, you can Buy Me A Coffee or donate through my Patreon account.

- JWW