You have heard of “sovereign” nations. Here’s a news flash, if you haven’t yet realized it: people can be sovereign as well.

What’s It All About?

To be “sovereign" means to be completely independent, to have absolute power.  Applied to nations, this term indicates that there is no higher authority that dictates how the nation should be run. In some nations, sovereign authority resides with the people, in others, there is a sovereign ruler, such as a king or queen.

In the case of individuals, I use this term to mean that you have complete autonomy over your life; that you are your own highest authority. Please note that I use this term in a personal decision-making sense, not a political sense.

I believe that you are the “be-all and end-all” of your own life.

In an existential sense, you come into the world alone, have to find a way to sustain your life on your own, and will likely die alone. Who else, then, should have the authority to make your decisions for you?

Once you are of the age of majority (or legally emancipated), society has deemed that you are an “adult,” and blessed/burdened with all of the responsibilities thereof.

It’s interesting that as minors, we can’t wait to be adults and as adults, we wistfully think back to the more carefree days of our childhood.

There’s a good reason for that.

Stand on Your Own

Not everyone wants to be an adult.

There is an increasing number of young adults who, as they anticipate the reality of having to “fly the coop,” evaluate the cost-benefit analysis of going it alone and don’t like what they see.

It’s easy to understand their hesitation (or maybe downright terror), because “moving out” is more difficult now than ever before.

Unfortunately, this brings to mind a darkly humorous tale:

There was a venerated monk who was at the end of his life on earth. His disciples gathered around him to glean the wisdom of his penultimate moments. A student broke the silence: “Master, what are your thoughts in your final hour?” The dying monk replied, “I don’t want to die.” The younger monks were shocked to hear this confession and fell silent for a while. Finally, the same student who first spoke broke the silence: “Master, do you have anything else you wish to tell us?” “Yes,” said the master. All of the students moved closer to hear the final words of their master who had dedicated his life to this moment, when he would finally leave the suffering of mortal life behind. The old monastic looked at each of the younger monks with a steady gaze, and in a firm voice said, “I REALLY don’t want to die!”

It turns out that we really don’t have a choice about many of life’s events. Each of us, if we live long enough, eventually has to grow up.

The freedom and autonomy that come with a sovereign life are expensive. Young people who - especially if they were relatively well-heeled - are about to leave the comforts of home may decide it’s better just to stay. But like the old monk, they find that have no choice no matter how much they dread the transition.

And for those of us who have already made the transition to adulthood, the expense of independent life is a daily concern.

What’s the Cost?

Financial concerns are the most obvious cost of an autonomous life. The evaporation of the middle-class has led to a steadily increasing median age at which children (successfully) leave home. The meteoric rise in housing costs, combined with the rapidly increasing cost of goods and services and an unsure job market, make it difficult to live independently.

And if you already support yourself, you know all too well how quickly life has become more expensive.

Money isn’t the only cost of personal sovereignty.

“With great freedom,” it is rightfully said, “comes great responsibility.” This reality makes itself known to even the most oblivious of adults. “It’s great to not have anyone telling me what to do,” is weighed against “How am I supposed to pay all these bills?” “I can stay up as late as I want,” collides with “I have to get up at 5:30 to commute to work?” “No one bugs me about doing chores,” rapidly becomes “I have to do all the chores!”

Who, now, is responsible for managing car insurance and dentist appointments and gym/yoga memberships and all the rest?

And the cost of sovereignty goes well beyond money and personal responsibility.

Relationships - personal and professional - take on a more impactful role. Independent adults are solely responsible for their own networking, professional ladder-climbing and reputations. Because, while we are ultimately in charge of our own paths, we find that life doesn’t proceed in a vacuum. “I don’t like to play with others” is not a viable strategy.

Like it or not, autonomous adults have to learn how to get along with others and, no matter how lofty the socioeconomic position, occasional ass-kissing will be necessary.

Further, the higher the life position you attain - yes, no matter how hard you worked to get there - the more likely you are to be the target of slander and sabotage. You see, the majority of other people want what you have built, they just don’t want to have to build it. They would much rather just take it from you.

And sadly, the better you do, the more people want to see you fall. (The folks who genuinely applaud and support your success are your true friends - hold on to them, for they are rare.)

For these reasons (and many others), if you choose an independent, authentic and sovereign lifestyle, you will find it necessary to drop the things that would constrain and enslave you, including but not limited to habits, situations, jobs and people.

If you have an elevated sense of personal integrity, it may be even more difficult to make your way, because you will not entertain certain ways to make money, or certain people with whom to commune.

Stand By Me

We are all pack animals, we humans. We need other people in our lives. Voluntary seclusion is empowering and restorative; imposed isolation is degenerative and dangerous.

So we must learn to be sovereign in the context of a variety of relationships.

I spend a great deal of time in coffee shops nearly every day, no matter in what State or country I may find myself. Why? The quiet of my office at home is more conducive to writing, to be sure. But writing is by it’s nature a solitary pursuit.

I live alone and Logan, my Siberian Husky, is not a great conversationalist. (Don’t get me wrong, he tries, but…)

So I choose, as a part of my sovereign-as-I-can-manage daily decisions, to sit in the comparatively noisy and distracting environment of a busy coffee shop.

Part of it is habit, I guess; I did my Master’s degree work and doctoral dissertation, and my first business plans here, so it feels like home. But more importantly, I’m in the midst of other people. I am far from anonymous in these cathedrals of caffeine; in several Southwestern US states, I am on a first-name basis with the patrons and baristas alike. They have become my adopted family and family is important, regardless of how you may define it.

This is one of the ways I choose to stay connected to others even as I emphasize my own autonomy and independence. I also indulge my lifelong passion for music as a way to have community when I teach individual or group classes, form a band or guest solo with the local orchestras.

You must “do” you, of course, but that will involve how (not if) you choose to include others in your life. Find your own way.

Sovereign

So, in spite of the cost and difficulty (or more likely, because of it), I choose to live a sovereign existence within the constraints of being human.

You must decide to what extent you are willing to pay the cost of independence to gain freedom, but know that I support you, no matter what you choose.



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- JWW